A must read

Hello there. Been wondering how I am doing. Good thanks. I am getting more energy each day, I am going for 40 minute walks most days of the week, and last week I lost 2.4kg - that is just over 11 kg all up so far. Oh and best of all, I am not hungry all of the time - yee hah! Actually, I can tell that my stomach is getting smaller, and the band is not quite as effective, but that is to be expected at this time - I go back in 3 weeks and if happy, the surgeon will put a little bit of fluid int he band to tighten it up.

I am learning things about myself, sometimes I still want to eat even though I am not hungry. Yesterday we had lunch at church before a worship seminar. That was the first time I had eaten away from home since going on the Optifast. What a revelation. The food looked wonderful - heaps and heaps of salad, chicken, and bread rolls - all good diet food, and good for you. Yes - I took my soup, and a banana and some Fruche.

Not that long ago, I could have eaten a normal plate full of that food, but yesterday I looked at it, and realised I could never get that amount down. I had not realised how much less food I had got used to eating. I had a little tin of Soup for One - yummy pumpkin one, and I couldn't even begin on the fruche. Yes I did eat the banana and fruche about 2 hours later on. I am not criticising anyone for eating a plate full of very good food - it would have been perfect on a calorie controlled diet, let alone for people who can eat normally. But it showed me that I am thinking differently now - YIPPEEEEE

Anyhow. If you still want to read more about what I am learning about myself, there is the absolutely wonderful article I found this morning - You Rule My World - Inside the Fat Epidemic. If you are struggling with why on earth I would go to the extremes of having surgery to lose weight - this will give you some insight. It says what I feel in so many ways.

Blessings - and remember, unless you actually email me regularly, (i.e. Mum), leave me a comment!!!

Janet

Weight loss surgery and addictions

This week, Oprah had a show on people who have had gastric bypass and transfer their addiction for food to another addiction e.g. alcohol or sex.

This is a very real issue that should be addressed. The reality is that it is not only very possible to become addicted, it is most likely a problem for people who are morbidly obese. Food is a comfort that is socially acceptable (at least in its use, if not in its consequences), and it is easy to say that it is an addiction which only affects yourself.

Now the interesting thing is that I have not been able to find any articles (in a short time of looking) that say that this addiction transfer is as big an issue after lapbanding, as it is after gastric bypass surgery. There could be a couple of reasons - gastric bypass surgery is much more common in the USA, and has been used for longer, so there are more long term stories available.

Also there is considerable difference in the surgeries. Gastric bypass surgery actually removes the use of the stomach by attaching the small intestine directly to a small stomach pouch. Therefore, there is no metabolism of the alcohol prior to absorption in the system. Lapbanding merely provides a little "holding cell" pouch at the top of the stomach, and normal digestion occurs.

Regardless, the issue of addiction transfer is a real one. It is interesting to note that a number of the surgeons who offer lapbanding (and certainly the surgeon who did mine) require psychological assessment prior to surgery. Being addicted to smoking, alcohol or drugs will result in refusal to do the surgery. I think this is very wise. Also, counselling is available after the surgery if there is any reason to suspect that addiction transfer is taking place.

I liked this quote about the issue

"Lastly, biomedical research suggests that the causes of compulsive behavior no matter what compulsion it may be (alcoholism, overeating, etc) are very similar. Experts also agree that gastric bypass does not cause addiction, rather if someone has an addiction prior to the surgery that it is likely they will have one after, although a different one. The best thing to do is seek professional counseling for the compulsion itself before trying to treat the symptoms; otherwise you may just end up transferring to a new problem to replace the old. It has to do with treating the cause of something and not the symptoms, after all, if your house is infested with ants you shouldn’t just keep treating ant bites, you would hire an exterminator to get rid of the problem."

This "addiction transfer" is not exclusive to people with food addiction - it is a well known phenomena for anyone dealing with addictions.

Will it be a problem for me? Who can tell. Rosie had great insight by asking me when I was considering the surgery "Mum, what are you going to do if after the surgery you find it is an emotional problem after all?" My answer - use the counselling service that is available to me, and go from there.

The Oprah show was a revelation for my Darls. He said he never considered this before. He is aware of it now, and no doubt will hold me accountable if he sees any evidence of addiction transfer.

Do I miss food? Yeas of course, sometimes. Seeing a pizza on TV does remind me of how good it tastes. Then I ask myself - how would you feel if you had that right now? Oh, YUK. I know that I would feel totally uncomfortable, in fact with pains in my stomach. I am coming to grips with the fact that eating a cup full of food/drink will make me feel uncomfortable for a couple of hours. So it is smaller portions for me. Mum reckons she does that all the time - if she eats too much and feels horrible, she just makes sure she eats less next time. perhaps that is the normal way to be. I hope so....

Enough - see you next time
Janet

Why surgery?

I am sure some of you are thinking that surgery is a pretty radical solution for something I have proved that I can do in the past. I guess it is easy to think that I just needed to stick with it - in fact I told myself that many times.

Once surgery was recommended to me - and when it comes from a specialist, you really have to think about it seriously, I did some research. One of the proved facts with weight loss through dieting is that after 2 - 5 years, 95 percent of people will regain the weight they have lost, and more. Surely this can't all be lack of self control - and why would it be? For goodness sake, anyone who loses weight knows how much better you feel, why would you give up on it?

Can you think of another medical treatment - because with severe obesity that I have, it is a medical problem - that if research showed that there would be a recurrence of the disease, with further complications after 2 years in 95% of the cases - that ANYBODY would accept that treatment. It doesn't matter how strong the motivation is, or compliance with the treatment.

Then research found two very interesting little hormones that are associated with weight control. There has been a little media coverage on this, but generally not much real understanding.

There is the hormone leptin, which is released in the stomach and from fat tissue which tells the body that you have had enough to eat, and don't eat any more. This is a marvelous hormone that stops overeating. it would seem that if you had more fat tissue, then more of this hormone would be released, and then you would use up the fat stores. What a beauty.

Then there is ghrelin. Like most hormones in our body, it is designed to create a balance. It would be too bad if your body kept using its fat stores for energy, in fact, it would lead to death. So Ghrelin is released by the stomach and hypothalamus (in the brain). Ghrelin sends a message to the body that it is time to eat, eat now, danger danger, you need to replenish your energy stores.

These two hormones are meant to work in balance, but as usual one is stronger than the other - guess which one - ghrelin. If for some reason there is a conflict, and ghrelin is being produced when leptin is there also, ghrelin dominates, and demands more food.

Oh - what could cause these imbalances I wonder?

Factor Number 1: Sleep
"When you don't get enough sleep, it drives leptin levels down, which means you don't feel as satisfied after you eat. Lack of sleep also causes ghrelin levels to rise, which means your appetite is stimulated, so you want more food," (quote from some PhD of sleep disorders).

Anyone who normally sleeps well ever had a sleepless night, how were you the next day when it came to food - wanted to graze all day hmm? Well for me, my normal sleeping pattern since I was first pregnant (guess when my weight ballooned up) was to sleep for less than 2 hours at a time, and wake up 3-6 times a night. In reality, I would be lucky to get more than 2-4 hours of serious sleep a night. This is why Dr Carey wanted me to have sleeping tablets, and they helped - sometimes I would sleep for 4 hours at a time. But, like all of these sorts of medications, they become less and less effective, and of course addictive, besides being expensive... so I stopped having them.

Another quote: "The result: Those who slept less than eight hours a night not only had lower levels of leptin and higher levels of ghrelin, but they also had a higher level of body fat. What's more, that level of body fat seemed to correlate with their sleep patterns. Specifically, those who slept the fewest hours per night weighed the most."

See this study

Factor Number 2: Losing weight

Huh you say - wouldn't losing weight make it better for you -- nuh!!!!

"In the new study, published May 23, 2002 in The New England Journal of Medicine, a team of Seattle scientists, headed by Dr. David E. Cummings of the University of Washington, measured daily fluctuations of ghrelin in 13 obese subjects before and after a six-month weight-reduction program. The subjects, who weighed an average of 220 pounds before the study began, lost an average of 38 pounds in three months with a combination of diet and exercise, and kept it off for three more months.

The researchers found that ghrelin rose sharply before meals and fell shortly after meals, confirming earlier studies showing that it triggers the desire to eat. After the subjects lost an average of 17 percent of their body weight, ghrelin output rose roughly 25 percent. In fact, their lowest ghrelin levels after the diet-induced weight loss were nearly as high as the pre-meal peaks at the start of the study.

"It’s well known that your body works against you when you try to lose weight," Dr. Cummings told Time magazine. "What’s new, is the possibility that a rise in ghrelin is the way it’s done."

see this report (Read this whole report - but with a grain of salt because this guy is trying to sell something. However, it has some interesting hints for those of you who don't have a lot to lose, and how not to (maybe) upset the hormonal balance).

Boy do I know the effects of a massive increase in ghrelin after dieting. Remember, I said that 6 months (or so) after beginning to lose weight, I just could not with any techniques, prayer, and self will continue to eat sufficiently less calories to stay on a diet. You can imagine that the ghrelin was raging in my body at that time. Now the hunger appetite is extremely powerful - it is in response to life and death for the person. I worked this out 15-20 years ago, but didn't know or understand what it was.

If you read the last linked article, you will see a clue as to why I considered surgery. As a matter of interest, you mainly hear about "gastric bypass" surgery - which is one of three methods of surgery that can be used, and is most popular in the USA. I will go into the differences between this and my surgery at another time. But I have a lapband which is adjustable. It is reversible (and if I every do that, I will put all the weight on again, very fast. I do not want to consider that!).

Anyhow - here is a quote from research into the effects of gastric bypass surgery on the production of ghrelin "Conclusions The increase in the plasma ghrelin level with diet-induced weight loss is consistent with the hypothesis that ghrelin has a role in the long-term regulation of body weight. Gastric bypass is associated with markedly suppressed ghrelin levels, possibly contributing to the weight-reducing effect of the procedure."

read the research

OK - this was pretty persuasive for me. But what were the results of lapband surgery.

In essence, the success rate of people losing weight after lapband surgery (remember, it is less than 5% after dieting) was much higher. Research shows that most people will lose 50-60% of excess weight within 1-2 years of surgery, and the maintenance rates are higher. I will go into all of that later on, and give you the relevant research links.

Anyhow, that was enough for me. The risks - yeah I was a risk to have an operation, I could cheat the system and chose not to lose weight. The pros - most people lose weight, and keep it off. The risks of not having it, and trying dieting again - losing the weight, and putting more back on, not being able to walk with my knees, heart attacks, diabetes, earlier death by up to 20 years etc. etc. Advantages of not doing it - costs less (well - really in the long term.... hmmmm), not having my stomach cut open for keyhole surgery.

I decided to go ahead. I have to admit the night of the surgery I wondered if it was worth it, but by midday the next day, I was NOT sorry.

The best thing so far - being able to eat a little bit, and actually feeling that I could NOT eat any more. I have almost NEVER felt this in my life (that I can remember). Then, not only to forget about eating for a while (which I MAY have experienced once every 2-3 months for a half a day or so), but to actually feel I DON'T want to eat. That is why I did the surgery.

Enough reading for you - those who get to the end of this deserve a prize. The prize is, you get to have me in your life for 20 more years than was likely 2 weeks ago!!!!

Love you

Janet

The weight loss journey begins again

On February 7th, 2007, I underwent what I suspect will be one of those life-changing events for me. I had surgery and had a lapband inserted around my stomach. It is a long story as to what brought me to this place, one I will tell you in coming days.

However, I wrote the following story of my weight loss journey to a new friend I had made in a group for lapband people. I thought I would put it on here for posterity.

....
I was always a chubby child, but at puberty I became very much overweight. My worst place was the hips and legs (more about that later). I struggled to get some control over weight as a teen/early adult, but when i fell pregnant at 23, I just ballooned. I could never lose the weight successfully - or rather would lose varying amounts from 20 - 30 kgs, and after 6 months, everything in my body would fight against losing it, and I was simply unable to maintain eating less calories. I would put the weight back on, and by the time I made it an issue again and weighed myself next time, I would be as heavy, plus the amount I lost last time added on.

I can remember realising this probably 15-20 years ago, and promised myself I would never do it again - that is lose the weight until I understood why I put it back on again, with interest. I remember being 90kgs or so at marriage, and up to 120kg with the first pregnacy. I never got below the 100kg after that pregnancy, and then with the second, went closer to 130kg. I can remember trying to lose weight after that starting at just over 132kg, and then later on with Weight Watchers starting at 145 or so. I am sure there was another attempt again probably 11 years ago starting 157 or 158kg.

Two years ago, I went to a specialist in Brisbane, and I started at 178.4 kg. He hospitalised me and did some good education and exercise programmes with hydrotherapy. This was really good for me, as I learned a lot about what was going on with my body, and for the first time in my life, I began to enjoy exercise.

You see, associated with all of this was a number of factors - hypothyroidism, knee caps that would dislocate, and an operation when I was 18 to stop that happening. This left me with chronic pain, and permanent inability to use my left knee properly i.e. using the left leg to lead up stairs, and it would collapse if I put weight on it bent. Despite seeing several doctors, I never got any real satisfactory treatment for that. Then I had quite severe arthritis set in, which came and went in severity over my life.

Anyhow, I lost nearly 40 kgs 2 years ago, but my legs kept swelling - actually they had been doing it for some time, and no Doctor could give me any sort of answer. The suspicion that I may have a clot stimulated me into the necessity for weight loss that time. But, (and there always was a huge but about 3-6 months into any time I seriously lost weight), I got an ulcer on my leg, and in the end I could no longer go into a pool to exercise. Finally my GP requested to the specialist that I had to do something about the swelling on my legs (they were probably 2-3 times the size of normal legs), so the ulcer could heal.

I finally got a referral to a lymphodema specialist and found out I had a genetic condition called lipodema. This is an autoimmune condition, that usually comes into play in someone predisposed to it at times of hormonal change e.g. puberty and pregnancy. The immune system is unable to deal with the lymph in your legs, and so these little "pac-man" thingies of the immune system actually convert the lymph to lipids (fat) and lay it down on your legs and hips. This fat will NOT go away through dieting, as it was not laid down from excess calorie consumption. By the time I was diagnosed, I was well advanced in the condition, and I had secondary lymphodema - leg swelling. The treatment, because I lived 300ks form the clinic became 6 months of both legs wrapped 24 hours a day from toes to hips. My legs became smaller, but eventually I had to get out of the bandages. It became too expensive for me to keep traveling to the clinic, and the specialist, and so I got a local physio to measure me for very strong, very expensive, custom made stockings. Unfortunately, I gained weight on the legs a bit, and they no longer were able to be worn. At this stage I had got down to around 140 kgs - a real celebration for me, but I firmly believe about 25 kgs of that came off my legs.

Move forward to this year, we moved to Canberra. I worked for 6 months, and then had a fall in which I severely dislocated my right knee - the "good" leg. I went to a orthopedic specialist who took one look at the x-rays and said he couldn't do anything for me with that, and said he wanted to give me a knee replacement. I said my other knee was worse - I don't think he believed me, as my knee cap was permanently situated at a 45 degree angle to the side of where it should be. The upshot of it was that I need 2 knee replacements. But of course, he couldn't do that with my weight, I had to lose it. He said he would refer me to Charles Mosse for stomach banding. I kinda said I would rather use natural means, and he looked at me and said - come on, you have tried that again and again, and you know that you cannot keep it off.

So started the journey of gastric banding. Money was going to be a major problem, as I could no longer work - my knee was dislocating every month, and the pain was something bad. Fortunately/unfortunately my husband's mother passed away a year ago, and an inheritance finally came through in time to pay for the surgery, and to buy us a little car.

So there I go. I started at 164 kg or so when I first went to Dr Mosse, and went up to 166 kg by the next visit. Two weeks after Optifast, I lost 5.5kgs. I didn't get weighed before the surgery.

Part of my process of renewal is going to get some good treatment for the lipodema - the specialist said he will see me for treatment 2-3 months after the banding is done. They use a form of massage (manual therapy), and bandages etc to reduce the fat deposits in my legs and hips, and possibly upper arms.

It may be expensive to live in Canberra, but I am sure glad to be here to have access to medical clinics that are not available in regional areas where I have lived. I have three very good specialists who can treat me over the next year or two for the three major conditions I need to have treated, and then have the ability to continue to move around. In all situations, I seriously was less than 2 years off being bed ridden or wheel chair bound.

.....

If you are still reading, you are remarkable... I will add some more details at another time,

Blessings

Janet

Hands

My hands are gifted – or so people say. They can hit a series of black and white levers on a piano to create inspirational music, convert thousands of little red glass beads and wire into a beautiful red rose, cut and fold and glue paper to make a unique card, or turn a plain piece of fabric into a glamorous outfit.

I treasure my hands. Without them I could not put my thoughts down on paper (or the computer). I couldn’t make things with material, paper and beads or play the piano. But is it really my hands that are gifted? If I chopped the nerve in my arms and my hands could not touch, feel or respond, would they still be gifted?

My hands are only gifted as an interface between my mind, my heart, my imagination and the world around me. My mind tells a story, and instructs my hands to type. My imagination sees a combination of colours, textures and finishes, and tells my hands how to put them together to make a pleasing creation. My spirit soars with love for God, and expresses that love through music on the piano. My hands are only gifted as servants of a thoughtful mind, a grateful heart and a creative imagination.

Fingers work together in gifted hands, each one performing its designated purpose and role at the correct time. If each finger insisted on doing its own thing, they would not be co-ordinated. My brain may communicate successfully with each finger individually, but unless they work together in unison to achieve the same goal, then there would be chaos.

The Bible says the church as the body of Christ. I think that ministry teams are the hands of the body – the interface between the mind of Christ, and heart of the Father and the imagination of the Spirit and the world around us.

Jesus knew that connection and communication with his Father was important. He said that “I tell you the truth, the Son can do nothing by himself; he can do only what he sees his Father doing, because whatever the Father does the Son also does” (John 5:19). This is just as important for us today in ministry. All ministry planning should have as its focus seeking the heart of the Father and the mind of Christ for the church. Without this connection and communication, the body is severely disabled, resulting in expenditure of a lot of energy with little or no effectiveness.

Secondly, a team is like the fingers on our hands. Individually, each finger has a purpose and unique abilities. But it is only as they work together toward a common goal that they can be called gifted. Ministry teams are like this. If people rely on their individual connection with the mind of Christ, and fail to work together toward a common purpose, the resulting lack of co-ordination can be as detrimental to the work of the Father as no communication at all.

Ministry teams are an important interface between the mind of Christ, the Father’s heart and the Spirit’s purpose in our society. Let’s seek to know what is God’s agenda, and work together for the common purpose of the Church as the body of Christ.

Easter weekend

After a very reflective Good Friday, Easter Sunday was celebration of Jesus resurrection. Dagmar put together the most beautiful arrangement with the cross, red willow and 4 arum lillies. I will have to see if I can get a photo of it - it was wonderful.

On a personal note - I had enjoyed the long weekend, having time to rest and re-create. I have been (and almost finished) crocheting a poncho for myself, using feather wool. It is all fluffy and warm - will be cosy when the cold weather comes. I have the material to make a warm coat, but haven't done that yet.

Today Caryn and I went shopping for some wool to make jumpers for our two beautiful grandsons. Geez - if you don't realise that my Darls and I are staying with his first wife, you could interpret that interestingly couldn't you!!! She is the grandma, I am Poppy's wife, and so I am Nanna. I like being a Nanna. So I have started knitting a little boy's jumper. Wheee - it is ages since I have knitted, and I am enjoying it. Are you surprised Mum?

Anyhow, there is a beautiful smell of stuffed zucchini wafting from the kitchen, and my stomach is talking to me - Blessings all

Desires of your heart

Last week, I had a chance to talk with Pastor Ron about life. I recognised I was missing people from Maryborough - just to be with familiar people, people who had known me for a long time.

On Wednesday, Ron sends me an email asking if we were going to be around on the weekend - He knew I was in for a surprise, and he allowed to tell me anyyyyyyythingggggggg. Well you can imagine how my mind just went in circles. When I thought about it, the best surprise could be someone from Maryborough - I nearly said someone from home.

It was just wonderful to go to church for the Good Friday service, and see Rod and Elaine Goodwin there. God is good. What a great time we had catching up on people. We then went for a drive to Cockingden Green.

This was just what I needed - yeah I have really been missing people - not that there is a lack of people here. Friendships take time to develop, and no doubt they will develop.

You should have seen the kids at Nationsheart last week. What a joy - they took the sunday morning service. I have seen kids services, where they perform for the adults, and I have seen others where a little bit of the service was designed for the kids. This one - the whole service was the kids. Our singing time was the kids songs they have in TAG (Kids Church). The worship leader was bouncing around, getting us all to join in with movements. TAG have just begun to use Oasis program. What fun they have.

Reflections from Canberra

Today I was challenged about where was my blog. Pastor Ron got me... Something about "stirring one another on to good deeds" or something I suspect!

Anyhow - it motivated me to set my laptop up so I can actually get on here. I have been setting it up on the dining room table each time I go on the net lately, and you can imagine that sometimes it was easier not to do it. Now it is on my darls desk - hehehe - he will have to work around it when he wants to use his computer.

Actually, I wanted to do a reflection of being at Nationsheart... but I may do that in another blog later on. About us...

Work is going well - despite huge restructuring in Airservices Australia. I have been working on a training program for the Technical Officers who work on the airport Fire Trucks. If John (my first husband) ever reads this - and that is most unlikely, he is real luddite when it comes to computers, let alone the Internet - I hope it would amuse him that I am working with mechanics. He taught me everything little bit I know about mechanics.

Talking of mechanics... sadly our car had a major heart attack 2 weeks ago - actually I think a stroke is a more appropriate analogy - blew a head gasket! But now she is all fixed up, and purrs like a pussy cat again, sounds more like a car should, not a truck. One of the guys at work tried to tell me it was purring like a kitten - but our lovely princess (it is a Toyota Crown) is far too old to be a kitten.

My poor darls has torn a tendon on his shoulder. He is in constant pain, and has another 4 weeks until he can see a surgeon. And then, they will make an appointment for the surgery to have it repaired. We suspect it happened with moving the boxes etc in the shift. It didn't happen suddenly, just gradually got worse.

I dunno how to sign off tonight... so officially this is me signing off - see you later

Finding "church" in Canberra

One of the "issues" for me in moving to Canberra was to find a church home and family. Part of the anguish that I felt about leaving Mryborough was that something good was happening in the Church of Christ in Maryborough, in particular a move toward being an "emerging" or "missional" church - (two descriptive words that may not mean a lot to some who read this - just file them away in your mind, and you never know where you may come across them again)

This week I was so encouraged. I talked with the Ministry Team Leader (you know Pastor by a different name!!!) at Nationsheart this week, and was thrilled to hear that this happening here also.

I was encouraged about last Sunday's service also - it was all about the theme of Rain as a metaphor for the hard times in our life.

Ron used:
* songs (DVD) with multimedia,
* a clip from Singing in the Rain,
* had the story of the house on the rock and sand for the kids (including paper houses placed on clay and sand, and then poured water over them to show which one remained standing - beautiful),
* and opportunities for us talk to share with each other in small groups, and then at the end of the service to come and share with everyone what was significant to us from the service.

Anyhow it is Sunday morning again - and I am looking forward to seeing what is happening today. I am looking forward to getting to know people more, and then going with my husband to the Belconnen Mall and having lunch together. We had some yummy greek salad and pasta last Sunday.

Blessings
Janet

Job hunting

I went for an interview this morning at an organisations called AirServices Australia - they are the people who provide the fire engines at airports. It is a 3 month job, and looks positive - and good pay too so I am told. I will be working with the Deputy Chief Fire Officer on fleet management - purchasing and maintenance of fire engines etc. - well actually I won't ever have to touch a fire engine so I believe, so I will see next week. I am slowly getting more interviews with recruitment agencies.

My Darls has been looking for work - hoping for a help desk one, or if I do get a job soon, I think he may like to do some study.

I GOT A JOB - I GOT A JOB

I have jus theard that I have 3 months employment with Air Services Australia - Rescue and Fire Fighting Division. Wheeeeeeeeee

Great rejoicing - and feeling good about onesself!!!

Blessings

It's Sunday

Hi everyone. A week has gone since coming to Canberra. I am learning how to drive around Canberra's circle streets, and maybe learning it's unique way of constantly changing from 1 lane to 2 lanes, and then merging back into 1 lane again. I can nearly find my way to the Belconnen Mall and home again, and sort of make sense of the parking places where you have to decide before you leave the carpark if you are going to be 30 mins, 1 hour or even 1 hour 50 minutes! I am hoping that my Qld number plates give me a "little" leeway for another week or so. One thing though about Canberra traffic - it is not as congested as Brissy or Sydney.

I have been visitng Recruitment agencies, and had a couple of interviews. There seems to be a consensus of opinion that I apply for contract public service work, with my experience etc.

We are having a good time with the family - enjoyed dinner last night with the Grandies and their parents. Arh - what beautiful little boys they are, and they are melting, and giving us cuddles. I went looking through the boxes yesterday for the sewing stuff - and gave up before sorting it all out. But, I can make little boys clothes again - what fun.

We are off to visit Belconnen Church of Christ this morning - looking for a place where we can find a spiritual home in Canberra.

Now - all of you from "home" reading this - please press the "comments" link below this, and then you can write back to me to let me know you are reading this. You know, a blog can become a place where you can 'talk' to each other. It can be fun. So.... can I presume you have not read this if you don't leave a comment - Mum, Chris, Barry etc!!!!

OK OK - I am going now
love you

Looking for work

What a day - trying to find my way around Canberra City, and finding buildings with recruiting agencies. However, I did manage to front up to 4 different ones and got an interview with an agency. She gave me some good hints on how to improve my resume - especially for the market here in Canberra. So tomorrow morning I have to get up early with a clear brain.

We visited Grace church yesterday - it was good - bit big for me really, but Bob met up with some people he knew years ago.

Blessings

Canberra at last

Well we have arrived in Canberra. The journey was not quite as expected - but we got here safely.

We got away on Monday morning, having found out that the truck would not be picking up the boxes till at least that afternoon. Our neighbour very kindly agreed to let them into the house. Just as well we didn't wait because they didn't come until Tuesday afternoon!!

We got as far as Toowoomba, and the car boiled. Thought we had better get it checked out by the RACQ (roadside assistance organisation), and they felt it best to flush out the radiator, and replace the hoses and thermostat. Problem was, they needed to order the parts for the hoses, and they weren't going to arrive till the next day. At least RACQ paid for a motel for the night for us, and we got to see Lester - my son.

Anxious to get on the road, we find out that the parts were not going to arrive till late on Tuesday - and then, they didn't come - so another 24 hours in Toowoomba. You can be sure that after 52 hours in motel - we were heartily sick of the Discovery Channel. Finally got away from Toowoomba 4.30pm on Wednesday. We drove solidly to Canberra and arrived 5.00 on Thursday - well actually paid a man money to spend 6 hours on a bed in Moree!!!

The car performed perfectly all the rest of the way, and we saw hundreds of B-Double trucks on the Newell Highway. All the boxes arrived on Friday afternoon.

Sometimes I think - what have I done, left everything that was familiar and secure, and starting a new life in a totally new place. Then again, I really believe this is the right thing for us to do at this time, and I know God will bring things together for us.

It is good to see the kids, and grandkids. Arhhhh that is going to be fun getting to know them.

Now begins the process of finding jobs. C - who we are staying with at the moment is also looking for work, so we are a house of the unemployed at the moment. Yesterday's paper provided a number of options that both of us can apply for, and we will have to be quickly writing applications and selection criteria this afternoon.

The process of finding a place to worship begins today also. We will go with C to her church and then look around if necessary.

I am missing my craft room - I make cards, and other paper crafts for relaxation, and it is frustrating to think of something I want to do, and realise that the paper and tools are hidden somewhere in one of the 10 craft boxes (well, it could even be more than 10 you know!!!). Once we find work, we may be looking for an apartment for us, and then I can set up a room again.

Blessings - Janet

Moving - still

It is now 10 days until we begin the 18 hour drive to Canberra. We will do ir over 2 days - visiting my son on the way.

The garage sale we planned didn't happen - the advertisement was not in the newspaper. Actually I was really relieved, and we pulled in the signs. We made an announcement at church on Sunday that people could come and take anything they needed.

The upshot of it is that nearly all the shelves and furniture has gone - and we have received from people the amount of money I realistically thought we would make from a garage sale. Oh - about the ad. My darls went into the WEEKLY newspaper office, instead of the DAILY newspaper office. We discovered this before printing and got the money back.

Then a teacher at school has just come and taken the ancient teacher's desk I had, and some other bits and pieces to use for shelves in her garage. Funny isn't it how it all works out.

On Friday, we will move over to Mum's for a week, to allow time to get the carpet cleaned, and my dearest daughter to come and clean up the house (for which she will be given the fridge and freezer and...) and so on while I finish my work up at the school.

I am slowly becomming more excited about the move - I have gone through a range of emotions from sad, to angry, to depressed - sounds like grief to me. This place is my home town, and where I brought up my children - where I married my darling, and where my Mum is. It is a BIG move to leave all that behind - but it is time. Time to spend time with my darls family, time to seek out a career, time to move on.

Blessings
Janet

Movement Plans

Well it is all happening. What a mad couple of weeks.
I have 2 1/2 weeks work left at the School - time to finish an Operations Manual, Web site and the Records Management System.

My dear one is working hard at packing, and setting up for a garage sale this Saturday. Even though we planned, and did cull LOTS of stuff, we still have about 8 cubic metres of boxes - virtually no furniture...

I have had contact with several recruitment agencies in Canberra - and there seems that work may not be too hard to find.

Could you please adjust my email address in your address books. It is noy janetmckin@gmail.com.

We are looking for somewhere to worship in Canberra - would appreciate any "heads up" on churches there.

Blessings
Janet

We are moving on...

After many years of alienation with his children, Bob (my darls) had the joy of reconciliation during 2005. This has - to our joy - included two beautiful grandsons, and a wonderful son-in-law. His youngest son stayed with us for nearly 2 weeks after Christmas, giving his mother (Bob's first wife) time to spend with her fiance and family before their wedding early this year.

In light of my children becomming independent and leaving home, and that my work is coming to an end at the Christian school, we have decided that it is time to make the big move, and we are relocating to Canberra - our nation's capital.

It would seem that there are many opportunities for employment in Canberra, and we will be not far from the children, and most of all - the grandies.

So out life is in a state of great change - not the least of which is the turmoil of packing up the house, having a garage sale to dispose of "junk" that has accumulated, and plans for the long trek in 4 weeks time.

I still have 4 weeks of work to complete here in Maryborough, and then we will hit the road - after making sure our trusty Crown (Toyota Crown that is - the car) will handle the journey.

For those who have our email - it is changing to janetmck@gmail.com.

Blessings
Janet

A perfect Christmas

Today was a Christmas that wasn't going to be a family occcasion. Both of my children and their partners came home a few weeks ago, and we celebrated a birthday party. My Darl's children are in Canberra - just too far away to even consider, though, we would have loved to be with them - that is another story.

Instead - we had a Christmas dinner with a difference, but one that our Pastor and his wife have been doing for 15 years.

We had Christmas Dinner at church for people without family to have Christmas with. We had nearly 100 people, and I shared a table with person who sleeps on the streets, a lady whose fiance died a couple of months ago and is still suffering, a 87 year old gorgeous lady who could barely walk, but had the most wonderful joyful spirit, my Mum, husband and a friend and her husband. It was wonderful.

I made Christmas cards for everyone, and had some help from some ladies making an A4 size placemat with old Christmas cards on them, a paper box with lollies, a bookmark and a little Christmas decoration in it, and we had presents for everyone.

Various businesses and people donated the food (roast chicken - cold, cold ham, salads, bread rolls, plum pudding -cold, ice-cream, fruit salad and custard, and the most beautiful 4 tier Christmas cake made by a friend).

A couple of times I took around a big bowl of party ice and dispensed it to everyone into cups, and down people's backs. It was so hot (38 (100) degrees) that people devoured that up, and seemed more appreciative of the ice than the food even.

To me this is a perfect Christmas - giving to people who don't have everything/ and some, anything - it was kinda like a village Christmas.

So this is Christmas - a time to give, not exchange, gifts. A time to be together, but not necessarily with those you are with all year. Enough food, but not stuffed. Serving others.

I think that is the Christmas message

My baby is 21

It is watershed moment in life when your baby becomes "officially" grown up. My darling Rosebud turned 21 this week.

Yippeeee - you see, I see the purpose of being a parent is to bring your children into independence. With my baby, I was not too sure it would ever arrive!!! (well a couple of years ago, anyhow)

The most wonderful part was that both my son and daughter brought their girlfriend/boyfirends to a meal out with us and Grandma at a restaurant. It was the first time that they had all met each other, and it was a delight to see them all get on so well together.

We couldn't find the camera - so no photos.

Anyhow - I am suppoes to be doing some work
Bye
Janet

Back Home

It is a couple of weeks since we came back home again - but life has been busy catching up.

My Darl's Mum passed away the day after my birthday, after only 3 weeks of being really ill. She was 87 years old, and had been active right up to a couple of months before she got sick. Her golf club ladies were saying that she was playing golf this year!

We had the privilege of being able to pray with her before she she was unable to respond, and Bob prayed at her funeral ceremony.

We are doing OK - Bob is finding it a little hard to get and remain focussed, and I have been very tired.

Thank you for those who have asked, and sent me emails. I appreciate your love and concern.

Bless you

Yes - I know, I know

My friend City Bound Train who I encourage to blog has returned the compliment - bless her. The name of her blog is appropriate for my week just gone.

M darl's Mum, who is 86, has been hospitalised, and they have discovered that she is riddled with cancer. She is not expected to see Christmas. So Darls and I have been in Sydney for a week, travelling the trains to visit the hospital and see her.

I have come home to Maryborough for a couple of days to check in at work, but Mum is going downhill, and so I will go back to Sydney fairly soon.

Arhh - and the other interesting news, I am about to become a web-published author. I will let you know more soon...

Time is running out for me - time to get ready to go to work, and book an airfare back to Sydney

Blessings
Janet

Operation Nepal

This morning at church we had a visit from a young (well he is young to me!!) man who grew up in our church, and baptised there, who has spent the last few years in Nepal with Operation Mobilisation. Actually - be was born in Nepal because his parents were missionaries there!

What challenged me was his simple direct story of total reliance on God in dangerous situations. No airs or graces - just told us about some of the things he had seen God do.

I live in such a comfortable situation, that I don't "need" God for daily living (or so it seems). [I have erased that last sentence several times - it still doesn't say what I want.] I was challenged about whether I would be prepared to do what God asked me to do, even if there was a fair chance that I may not live through it. I like my conforts, I like my access to fresh, clean water, good quality food, and a comfortable bed at night.

Not that he laid that message on us - far from it. Derek just spoke of how God is working in Nepal.

Want some more stories about what God is doing in Nepal? - look here.

The Simple Life

A couple of my favourite bloggers Michael and Bobbie have talked about slowing down lately.

This has been a real issue for us this year. When I was being treated for lipodema, my Darls had to wrap both my legs every day with bandages from toes to thighs. It took up to 3 hours each day to unwrap the legs, have a shower and massage, and rewrap the legs again, especially at the beginning. We realised that life HAD to be simplified - and really all I did was work (in airconditioning thankfully) and home, and church on Sunday.

Now life is much less demanding, but we are still enjoying the simple life together. Oh, that is right, both the kids have left home also, and so the empty nest is a wonderful thing too. I am reticent to add more 'stuff" to my life now.

It is Sunday Morning, and I am really looking forward to going to church this morning. Our services lately have been delightfully simple, and the presence of God has been so real in the'worship' time.

Blessings

Geoff Bullock

Phil & Dan McCreedon at Signposts have been posting Geoff Bullock's rewording of a number of his songs "to take into consideration his changing theology and understanding of grace".

If you have not caught up on some of Geoff's story in the past 10 years, it is worth catching up on here.

I have played piano in church from when I was a teenager, and it provides for me a real expression of worship. Geoff's songs, as published by Hillsongs were most popular - and enjoyable, if challenging to play (for me - a non-professional musician anyhow).

Geoff dropped from the Christian music scene in 1996, and God has revealed his grace and mercy to him. I resonate with the changes Geoff has made to a number of his songs.

Thanks Geoff

Yay - people actually read my blog

Thank you Bobbie and Michael for your return comments. I guess I figured I had dropped off people's lists!!

I just had an interesting couple of days. I went to Brisbane with our Principal Suzanne (a good friend) for some professional development. It was a great time. On driving down (about 2.5 hours), a noise started in the car. We got our poor, wonderful mechanic out of bed before 7.00am on the phone, and agreed to carry on to the next town, and if it was worse, call a mechanic there. However, we got all the way to Brisbane without problems, and parked the car.

After the seminar (about 5.30 pm), we started the car to go home, and there was a terrible shake and noise - rang the roadside assistance, and the steering oil hose clamp had come off. Talk about feeling as though we tavelled down on angel wings. The long and short of it was that we had to stay the night, and the car got fixed the nest day. The roadside assistance program was wonderful - we were given a hired car for the night, the car was fixed under warranty, and the best part was we got to stay at Suzanne's parents for the night.

My hassle was that I tried and tried to contact my Darls to tell him we were late / going to stay overnight, and all I could get was the answer machine. I knew that it was most unusual for him to be away all night - he is a home body, and I was sure that all the phone calls surely must have woken him if he was asleep. As I went to bed, I talked with the Lord, and reassured myself that worry was paying interest on a loan that you may never need.

The Lord was wonderful - I heard that still small voice in my spirit say - Haven't I looked after you all day? (answer - you sure have) Wouldn't it be inconsistent with my character for to have looked after your honey? - OK Lord - I will rest in the fact your character is consistent.

About middnight, dearest one was getting really worried, and finally picked up the phone to contact me - and found that the phone was dead. It had been pulled out of its socket all day!!!

He did ring me at middnight - and then we could both relax again!

Will you pray for me - I love my work, and believe that God has a place for me there. But my tenure is not secure, not does it really reflect what it should, and provide for our future. It has become critical that I find work that does this - need to put some superannuation away for retirement and all of that. If I had me "what ifs" I would prefer that the Board approve a permanent position for me, at the level it is entitled to be. Howeverm although I have put this in writing to the Board, I WILL NOT manipulate them to creating the position, nor will I presume that it is mine by right.

Therefore, I am looking for another situation that will provide our needs. Interestingly, at the seminar I met the Business Manager of another Christian School 1/2 hour away from home who is advertising a position this Saturday - perfect for my experience and qualifications.

I am looking for wisdom in this - I will apply for the position (interesting when the person most likely to make the appointment was at a seminar that was discussing in groups some of the very issues involved in the position), but I have to ask the chair of the Board to be a referee for me, and I don't want to give the message to him that I am blackmailing him to make a decision about a job for me at the College I KNOW that God is in control of my future, and He is capable of making all the arrangements I need, without my interference.

Time to get moving, and get ready for work. DId I tell you - I love my work....

Blessings
Janet

It really is me

Hello there

Anj sent me an email this morning to say hello. It has been so long since I have been in touch on here that it feels wonderful to be remembered.

I am still around, and learning to enjoy the "new size" me. I lost nearly 40kg, but have remained stable for the past 6 months - hard to rememeber that 12 monts ago I was in hospital, and was about to go into day 2...

The journey has been interesting. I got an ulcer on my leg which woudn't heal - as ulcers are prone to do. First of all I gave up going in to the water in an attempt to let it heal. That at least stopped it getting worse. Eventually, my Doctor asked the specialist about whether bandaging would help bring down the swelling in my legs, and I was referred to a lymphatic specialist.

Well, it turned out that I had a condition called lipodemia - where the lymphatic systems, particularly in my legs have not worked - a genetic condition. Consequently the lymph, which should have been returned through the lymphatic system started pooling in my legs, and eventually changed to gel, and then to fat.

The solution - wrapping the legs in several hundrend dollars worth of bandages and padding from toes to thigh, every day, all day, - and in the middle of our summer. But magically - or rather, in a wonderful way how God designed our bodies, the fat broke down back to lymph, and with massage, it was drained from my legs.

6 months later, they had come down enough to be measured, and have extremely supportive stocking especially made for me - in Switzerland, to be worn every day.

I could walk again...

However, I have to admit to struggling at the moment. Firstly struggling to want to put the stockings on every day - they really are tight. Struggling to want to eat the right foods. and Generally struggling.

I think you may have done me a favour Anj in emailing me - this is good for me to write again.

I understand that it has been important for me to get used to the new size me, but the time is coming for another real burst at concentrated weight loss, and food monitoring, and determined, regular exercise.

Overall, though, there is a huge difference in me, and my lifestyle from 12 months ago. I love going for walks, I find it relaxing, and energising after a day at work. I no longer automatically think of getting into the car, even for short distances, I try and walk there and work that into my day.

I can do a LOT more, last a lot longer at tasks, sleep better, and so on.

Oh dear... I had better finish now - I am travelling to Brisbane (about 3 hours drive) today with our Prinicpal Suzanne, for a seminar on Communication. I am really looking forward to the day - both for the company, and for the subjects being covered.

Hmmm this is good, I must bookmark this and start writing again....

All the best
Janet

Update

I know ... I know ... it has been a month and more.

I think I can put it down to an upcoming 45th Birthday - I am sure that is an excuse for anything.

I am still doing very well. Every day I acheive my goal of remaining under 1500 Calories or thereabouts. I am so grateful that I am not feeling hungry, or craving food - and acknowledge that God has been good, and so has the medication!!!

Most - in fact almost all - days, My Darls and I go for a walk in the morning. This week, we are managing 35-40 minutes every day. I am really enjoying walking, and discovering that it gives me a clear mind, and for some reason, I have lots of energy for the day.

I went to the Dr for a weigh in 2 weeks ago ... and ... I have lost a total of 22 kilograms in 12 weeks (wheeeee) For some reason, he said he was pleased with me, and I was to continue as I am going.

Unfortunately, I have an ulcer on my leg, which is struggling to heal. I decided this week that I would take a three week break from the pool, and see if that helps the ulcer heal. I have made an appointment with a fitness instructor, to begin working out at the Gym - next Tuesday. I love change, and my motivation is maintained by trying new things. So I am looking forward to doing something physically that I have never tried before.

My Christmas present order is ... wait for it ... a new bike. I haven't seriously ridden a bike since I used to pedal to and from school - yes, 28 years ago! This could be funny, or a lot of fun.

Also on a family note, my two lovely children are visiting their father in New Zealand for Christmas - and his wedding to a new wife. COnsequently My Darls and I are going on a car trip - firstly to where his children are, and then to visit his Mum for a week or so. We are enjoying planning the trip - the first long trip for us since we have been married - which incidently is 7 years ago on Sunday the 14th (yes- my birthday too).

Thank you for your comments - and Lisa, you did motivate me just to get in and write something.

I have been reading with some envy the antics of Bobbie, Anj, Steph, Idelette and Co at their retreat.

Blessings

Janet

It is the weekend again

Saturday again - and it is voting day for us. In a way I understand many don't understand, we have compulsory voting in Aust. It is an offense NOT to go and vote for your government every 3 years. So we will do our civic duty later on - build it into a walk I trust. It is also my son's 22nd birthday - and he is away at University. I had better not ring him up at 8.20am, that is his sleep time on Saturday!!!

I am find it difficult to add blogging into a daily routine. It seems I have 4 priorities in life, and sometimes that is all I can manage in a week. That is OK because that is what is important to me at the moment. God remains my No 1 priority, but some days you would not think so. I need to deliberately take time for meditation and prayer more. My family is important - and it is good when I am home with them. I feel maybe I am neglecthing them. Upon reflection, we go walking together most days, and when we can, go to the pool together, and so maybe we are even spending more time together.

The first of the two things that take up most of my time and energy these days is work - which I am thoroughly enjoying. It is so good for my soul to be back in a school - and to be working with Chritians where we can pray together, and remind each other in the hard times that God is in control, and He will bring us through. It is a place where I can use my talents/giftings, and know that it makes a difference. And there is a LOT to do...

The other priority is the change of lifestyle which is bringing long-term healing to my poor, neglected and abused body. It is hard to remember that it was only 9 weeks ago I went into hospital, and made such profound changes to my life. I know I needed a major intervention for it to happen, but the need to do so had been growing on me for quite a while - probably most of this year. I just knew it was the year to make a change. It is awesome how God brings it all together.

Talking with my Darls before I went, we agreed that we were going to have to make changes that would become the highest priority when we were making decisions. Decisions on what we would do had to consider whether it would support the change of lifestyle first - and if not, they had to change. This really seems to have happened in many ways.

We were 2 weeks without a car - and used that time to get used to walking to where we needed to go, or do without (with gratitude to my work colleagues who took me to and from work when needed - that just was TOO far to walk, though I did catch a bus a number of times). We have a new car outside the house now - thanks to a wonderful mechanic friend, who is selling it to us. But we must sustain the walking habit.

But... this means that when I get up in the morning (the mornings are beautiful at this time of the year here, light at 5.00 am, pleasantly cool enough to go for a walk in shorts and a Tshirt). I dread to sit and write on the blog before I go, because I could get distracted and not have time for the walk before work. So therefore, I haven't been writing much. I (sometimes) am forgetting to pick up my Bible also in the morning - which used to be the FIRST thing I did.

It is time to rebuild these routines back into my life, along with the new ones. I love change, but sustained long term change takes time to really build into your life.

How am I going I hear you ask. I had three aims before going to hospital. I wanted to:

• eat for nutritional reasons - and that is happening. I am recording everything I eat, each day (this is a secret to success in changing eating habits). I am consistently under the mximum number of calories I should eat each day - and some days at or below the minimum number. Food is not the compulsion it used to be, and I am not using it for comfort, or boredom, or even just out of habit as I used to do. In fact, more and more it is becomming a necessary fuel to keep my body going. I am careful to eat something (usually the meal replacement drink or a piece of fruit) before exercise to I don't lower the blood sugar so much I get a migraine. I am generally hungry before I eat again. My darls bought some licorice the other day (a treat we both love) and left me four pieces. I have rationed myself to one a day - when there are spare calories at the end of the day. It feels good to know I have one piece left for when I want a treat next time. I am learning to LOVE eating vegetables regularly - in fact the nice salads I make for lunch feel like a real treat. In case you are unaware, all of this is profound changes for me - ones which I am please about, want to reinforce, and continue with. I know I am enjoying food more, and eating much better these days.
• enjoy the anticipation of and participation in pysical exercise. I always felt that this would be the hardest of the three aims - and so I have put a lot of effort into acheiving it. I surprise myself some mornings, when all I can think about when I wake up is whether it is light enough to go for a walk. I love mornings, and I love the feeling of satisfaction when I come back, puffed and beginning to sweat. I knew that there was such a thing as post-exercise euphoria, I had never experienced it before. It is addictive, but it is a good addiction (in balance). So I reinforce how good it feels to myself, and choose to continue to look forward to experiencing it. I like to create challenges for myself, increasing the length of the walk a little at a time. It is a good feeling when I come home after having walked around an extra block. We usually go uptown, because it is close, and the footpaths are nice and even.
• make friends with my body. For a long time, I have known that this was a problem for me, but I didn't know how to overcome it. I am fascinated with the changes that are happening to my body. I cam beginning to be able to feel hip bones, and rib bones (there is still quite a layer of soft, flabby fat over them, but I can feel them). The other day I was at the Drs, and I look at my wrist, and there was this little hollow down the centre of it - going down my forearm. Now to those of you who aren't protected with a layer of adipose tissue all over your body - I can hear you say - SO WHAT. It was not there before!!!! I am sure of that. I hace a wonderful Dr - instead of looking at me as though I was really sick when I told him, he congratulated me! I can even see veins there now. My Darls is my friend when it comes to helping me with this. He never looks bored when I talk to him about the changes - in fact, he points them out to me. Bless him.

A reminder to me

This is to remind me that I made the right choice today. This afternoon I wanted to get a pair of sunglasses to wear when I am in the pool - it is getting bright and warm over here.

A couple of weeks ago, we sent our car to the car cemetry - and are just waiting to buy another one. A wonderful friend lent us a car for the weekend.

We live not far from the shops - which is good because it is an excuse to go for a walk. I was thinking of going to a shop which is at the limit of how far I walk at the moment, and was tempted to take the car. But that wouldn't allow me to acheive an exercise goal, so I worked it out - I walked to a closer shop (chemist), which probably meant I paid a little more for the sunglasses - but it meant I walked.

This is good - putting the priority of maintaining exercise above convenince, and cost. You did good Janet - that is putting the priorities in the right order.

I just wanted to cement this in my heart and mind - and memory. (PS I think the sunnies are cool - my daughter doesn't. Too bad for her hey!)

Reporting in

I am sorry to have been so silent. I have been very busy these days.

I have been (almost every day) getting up before 6.00 and going for a walk, before getting ready to go to school. Some mornings I use the exercise bike (15 minutes at the moment - trying to extend that slowly to 30 minutes). When I can I go to the pool in the middle of the day for a 45 -60 minute session of exercising. My goal over the next month is to also include a 30 minutes session at night (starting with aquarobics with some teachers from school - next Monday)

In fact - it is 6.15 now, and I am thinking I should be walking, not writing this. I will go when I finish here.

I am learning to enjoy the exercise. I love alive feeling after finishing exercise (well - after I recover, because I really do work). I treasure that, because I know it is part of what God has designed within me, and it encourages me to continue doing it. The first time I walked to church (about 30 minutes), I was really sore in the leg muscles. I became determined to harden them up so it didn't hurt to walk there in the future.

I am doing well with eating. My main requirement is to write down everything I eat, and calculate the caories eaten. This motivates me to seek the lower calorie solution, so I am not hungry. I am finding that I assess everything I am about to eat on its calorie vale - and whether it is worth eating or not. I am pleased about this, because the "food amnesia" thing I know was part of the problem before.

People are asking whether I am eating less - I am certainly eating many less calories (around 1200 a day). But I am eating well. If I eat lots of fruit and vegetables, I can eat quite a lot of volume. And I am learning to really enjoy the fresh taste it has. I am eating less - in that for the night meal, I cannot eat as much as I used to. Do I feel deprived - not at all, if anything, I feel blessed because I can buy the yummy, fresh food, and not worry about the fact it is more expensive.

Oh you want to know about the weight loss do you? Well last time I was at the Drs was the 15th Sept and I had lost 11.4 kilos (about 25 pounds). I am not due for another weigh in till the 29th October. I am only weighing myself at the Dr visits, because it is the food intake and the exercise output that are my goals - the weight loss is the consequence of acheiving my goals.

Unfortunately, I have developed a varicose vein ulcer on my leg. This is a bit of a worry, because it is a little painful. But it will NOT stop me doing what I need to do, and besides, exercise is good for it.

I am super busy at work - at the moment writing Workplace Health and Safety policies. I am becomming a pain, because all I can see is the risks and dangers in what is done at school. I try to keep my mouth shut, except when I need to talk about it. There is so much to do. But I enjoy it. I must be wired up funny I think to enjoy that, but I get great satisfacton working out what needs to be said, and how to say it in clear, plain English, that is systematical and logical (not like this sentence)

Anyhow, it is time to don the shorts (I look a sight, but I don't care - it is what I wear when I walk, and everyone else can just look the other way if it worries them). Then attempt to pry my darls off his puter and SlashDot to come for a walk with me. I think we will go further today - maybe even to the local Queens Park.

Blessings

The Baptism of the Holy Spirit

Michael Main http://www.michaelmain.com/2004_09_01_theach.html#109486469659040515 tlkes about seeking God as to the Baptism of the Spirit, and what it means for him. This is my response to his post.

Michael,
Your search for all that God has for you is one I resonate with. I too was raised in a non-charismatic church, one which in fact, taught that the demonstrative gifts of the spirit were not for today.

As I read the Bible and other books, and I got to know more Christians in the Kingdom of God, I found this teaching not consistent with the scriptures. In particular I found the verse in 1 Corinthians 14:39 - "Do not forbid speaking in tongues" a challenge.

I was then at a NZ Baptist Church, which believed that the experience of the Holy Spirit was for people today - and a number of people did speak in tongues. (Tongues was not considered the "proof" of an experience of the Holy Spirit, it was a gift, given by God. Most people I knew who had it, valued it highly, because it brought them into a closer relationship with God).

1 Corinthians 14 is the clearest passage about tongues - here it is described as "talking to God, but not to people" (2); something Paul wishes all believers had, but he wished more they could prophesy (5); if tongues are to be used to give a message to another person/people, interpretation is required in the church (26-27); and if there is no interpreter, should be used in talking to God privately (28).

This passage is about instructing the Corinthian church on the use of these gifts in a PUBLIC situation - within church meetings. Hence Paul has a number of instructions about keeping the service "decent and in order". Some churches where tongues are a part of their public expression of worship could do well to take heed of Paul's instructions here, because of the almost frightening experience those who are visiting, and not familiar with this, can feel.

However, there is another hint about the use of the gift of tongues. There is the PRIVATE use of the gift - which Paul encourages the Christians to do, if there is no one with the gift of interpretation in the church. By the way, I have been in services where a message was given in tongues, and the service was stopped until God gave an interpretation through another person. If no interpretation was forthcoming, the leader suggested that perhaps that was not a message for the church, but an expression of worship to God which should be privately expressed.

I began to observe the private use of the gift of tongues with some friends, and saw that indeed it was a gift that allowed people to express their deepest emotions and thoughts to the Lord, when words were not enough. It was particularly powerful in times of worship, and also in times when you sought God on how to pray for a person.

I began to desire the experience of the Holy Spirit that I knew these friends had received, and was missing in my life. But I was a Christian, and had been born again many years earlier, did I not have the Holy Spirit. Surely the Holy Spirit resides in all who are born again. This is true. I knew the work of God in my life, and through me. But it was inconsistent, and something I had to 'work hard' at. I saw the difference it made in people's lives when they received a bathing / experience / baptism if you like with/by/in the Holy Spirit.

A verse in Titus 3:5 began to make sense to me - (New Living Translation) "He saved us, not because of the good things we did, but because of His mercy. He washed away our sins, and gave us new life through the Holy Spirit". Some versions talk about the "washing of regeneration, and the renewing of the Holy Spirit". It became clear to me I had one part of this verse, I had been cleansed of my sins, but I was lacking the renewing of the Spirit.

I will never forget the night a couple of friends prayed with me to receive the baptism of the Holy Spirit, and asked God to accompany it with the gift of tongues as many people received in Acts. The word baptism accurately described what God did that night, I was bathed in the presence of God in a way I had never experienced. Until then, I had done all that God required of me - confessed my sins, repented, and walked in the way God had asked. This was an experience of God giving me something, without me deserving it, the gift of His presence in my body, soul and spirit. Up from my innermost being, there swelled what could only be described as a flood of praise and love for God, which began to express itself in the funniest of sounds - it was the gift of tongues.

That night, I spent all night praising God, and worshipping him in my bed. It was like a dam had burst inside of me, and water flowed out like a flood. God was gracious to me that night, and when I spoke (under my breath so as not to wake my husband) in tongues, I knew in my spirit what I was saying in my heart. God affirmed to me that this was glorifying to Him, and gave him great pleasure. The dam flowed for several days, but gradually it became like as though it was being harnessed, and eventually tapped.

This experience was life changing for me. Prior to this time, my Christian walk was one where I struggled to be obedient. After this, it was as though it was God and I walking together, making changes where necessary, and communicating about life.

I have known people to experience this presence of god, and baptism of the Holy Spirit at conversion. Others, like myself, it came 15 years after conversion - mostly because it was not part of the experience of people I was with until then.

You asked for the input of others in this journey - and I encourage you to continue to seek God for ALL that he has for you. Don't be put off when others express this incomparable gift that God can give you in a manner that is not how you would like to express it. Seek God for His experience for you - which will be as unique as our conversion experiences are unique.

I encourage you to seek the gift of tongues, because it provides for you a new avenue of talking with God which can bless you in unimaginable ways - not because it is a sign that you are super-spiritual, or one of God's special people.

He made me to be attractive!

I know why I needed to come home. My Darls was to be a part of my next stage of healing.

While in hospital I was flicking through the TV channels, and heard a few words of a preacher man. He was talking about a book written by a woman saying that as women, we know when a man is looking at us with lust. This sparked off a series of thoughts in my head.

"No man would look at me with lust" I thought. Then I heard - "what about when you lose weight?" Then I realised it was an issue with me - the excess weight was a protection from men - a fairly normal response for people who have been sexualy abused.

I talked with the psychologist about whether the migraines were a form of self-sabotage. Without knowing the above thoughts, he suggested that they may be - in an attempt to protect myself. I knew he was right.

When I came home, I shared with my darls my thoughts, and without hesitation he said "You are attractive to me". I was happy to be attractive to him, just not any other men.

Later on that night I woke up and was reflecting on the conversation, and his response really sunk into my spirit. It was incredibly healing to my soul. Then I heard the still small voice of my God saying "Janet, you want to become all I created you to be. I created you to be attractive to men. There is nothing to be ashamed or afraid of." That made all the difference. God is so good - and so is my Darls. He is my hero, and an important part of my healing. I love him so much. It has been a wonderful week together with him.

And the prize for the BEST response when I got home goes to my friend Geoff. He said "You're back - what's left of you anyhow!!!". Old Silver Tongue. He gets a LOT of points for that one.

The bad news ... and the good news

I don't have my lovely flowers anymore... That is sad

But not to sad - because I couldn't carry them home on the train with me !!!

Yes... I am home again with my Darls and wonderful girl. I am home. There is nothing like a good cuddle in your own bed. I was terribly homesick/lovesick over the weekend. When I woke up on Monday just as bad - I decided to ask if I could go home. The Dr agreed that the third week was good for me, but he was unsure how much I needed to be there a fourth week. So I got released ... oops discharged.

I decided to play a trick on my darls, and arranged for a friend to pick me up from the train, and give him a surprise. It almost worked, except he phoned me every night at 6.10pm. The hospital told him I had been discharged. He rang Mum, and my sister, and my friends to see if they had heard from me. At our friend's place he got Barry - who could honestly say HE hadn't heard from me - I spoke to Iris. Then he tried me on the mobile phone - which was turned off. About 2 minutes later I turned on the phone to check the time, and there was this distraught message - "Where are you, I know you have been discharged". I decided it was time to admit to my trick.

So now reality bites. I want to eat, and there is no one to deliver it to my bedside at the appointed hour. No one to come and clean the room, or offer to change my sheets.

However, Darls and I did get out of bed this morning - even if it was hard, and went for a 15 min walk. At first it was hard walking over uneven ground - nothing like the super level floors of the hospital. And there were cars, and trucks ... BUT - we did it.

Goals for this week - at least one session in a pool - which has to be done deliberately, not just when they ring up the ward and tell us to come. (Attn June, Iris and others reading this - lets get together for some fun hey!)

I have to think about what I eat, and record it and count the calories. I will survive just one day at a time with this one Hopefully soon Rosie and I can sit down and plan some meals, and shop for the food etc.

And ... I really need to go to school again, and see if my mind can remember some of the work that needs to be done.

Also it is my big brother's 50th birthday on Saturday - and I need to alter some cothes to wear ... or maybe be adventerous eought to make a new one, I have a lovely piece of material to use. I need a plan of attack for this night too.

Argh, this is home, and there are times I have to keep to, and things to do. Reality sucks!!!!

But I love being home again - even if it may take a day or two to get used to it.

Bless you

They came and I got 6 roses....

The surprise visit was my friends Janet and Keith. That was really special. Janet is an ex-Jenny Craig consultant, and has wanted to see me lose weight for some time. She is wonderful.

They tried to find a single red rose for me - but couldn't find one. I got a bucket load of roses - well six of them in a bucket.

Then we went shopping - looking for a pair of bike shorts as the ones I had wewre falling to bits in the pool (chlorine!!!). What a farce. WEnt to Target and Myers and on and on - and finally found some in Best and Less for $10 (that is very cheap in Aus) - AND - they fit :)

The other exciting thing today was that I could use my left (bad) knee to go up a step in the pool. Since it was operated on when I was 18, it has a tendency to- no - it always collapses when I put weight on it bent. Consequently, my brain refuses to use the right muscles to allow me to bend it with weight on I am having to forge new neurone pathways in my brain I think.

One more week. I hope I can still improve.

I ended up with 2 1/2 days of migraines. That was most annoying, as I was in bed most of the time. But I am getting back to the level of fitness I had previously. It taught me that just 2 days of no exercise and put the fitness level right back at this stage. Got to do it every day. Today there has been no sign of migraines - thank you Lord.

My darling daughter is calline me on MSN so I had better go

Bless you

Hello

Hi everyone
I have been neglecting my blog dreadfully this week. My excuse - well I has having trouble getting online.

Worse - Wednesday at midday I started getting a migraine. Finally today, I can say it is gone, and so I have spent 2 days in bed. Talk about frustrating - well it was when I could put the energy into thinking about it. I went for a SHORT walk this afternoon - and it was hard. Hoefully tomorrow I will be back on top of it all again.

Please pray that if there is a reason for the migraines, that God will reveal it.

Mu darls rang today to see if there was anything I wanted from home - as I am getting a surprise visitor tomorrow. I wonder who it is. No I don't think it is My darls - I don't think he could resist tellimg me if it was. I asked for a single red rose from him!!!

My brain is a bit scrambled at the moment, and I can't think of what to write - hopefully I will get to it soon

Blessings